Manic over my MD visit (part 2)

Of course there's a sequel to the last story - every great story teller leaves an option to tell more. All great movies have sequels to them - 'the Godfather', 'the Lord of the Rings', and of course 'Rambo II'. (and the last one should obviously go without saying. Stallone can make any sequel he wants = personally I'm waiting with baited breath for the sequel to 'Demolition Man', and after that hopefully, 'Stop or my Mom will Shoot.')

So back to reality, I did go to my Doctor appointment this week. As I said in my last blog entry, I think in the past I've had issues with seeing an MD, and have possibly even sabotaged my own visits by being aloof or afraid to talk. So before i went in I made the commitment to myself that I was going to start on the right foot by being more involved in my own diabetes care.

My bloodwork was in good shape except for my A1c - 7%. I almost broke down and cried in front of her. It was obvious it was not what I wanted to hear because my tone completely changed in the conversation when she told me. It's the highest I've been probably since college, and regardless of whther it is lower then the average, I'm not average, I'm me. And when it's significantly higher then what you're used to it freaks you out.

But I used it as an opportunity, and from that point forward the visit was great. We had a good discussion about some of the current problems I'm having (lows during a particular point during the day, consistently exercising after the last ironman, and a little bit of fatigue). It was closer to a conversation, kind of what I'd been hoping to have with my endo for years.

She looked at my BGs and made a few suggestions on my basals, which i did change (another first). Usually I try to argue my point that what I'm doing it right and there's a logical explanation why I'm low here or high here, but you know what? I'm not an endo. Any maybe, just maybe, looking at patterns all day gives them a leg up on me.

She asked me to fax some BGs to her this week to let her now how the changes are, and that
was important to me, it lets me know she's involved. Hopefully the changes will help.

Manic over my MD visit

So I've got see my endocrinologist (or endo for short) this week - it's my first appointment with her, and I'm completely freaking out over it. I've been in the area almost six months now, but it took this long just to find an endo that was accepting new patients and could actually schedule within 6 monhts. That's not a reflection of them - that's the industry. There just aren't alot of endos out there. You know only 8% of people with diabetes actually see an endo??? Crazy.

So back to the freaking out part. I guess it's because I'm not sure what to expect.

Some MD's I've had in the past are all knowing (or at least they think they are). And act like the downloads you provide from your meter or pump wll provide all the information about your life in order to 'fix' everything. (Yes, I had one advise me he needed to 'fix' me). They threaten, huff, sigh, and act like your inconvenincing them.

But then I think about the majority of the patients they see. Non-compliant, unmotivated, and unwilling to even take the effort to bring in the information that an MD would need to even take a wild guess at how to help them with their diabetes. That's an important point - their diabetes. It's not the doctor's disease, it's the patients. and I think far too often patients sit back and expect the MD to fix it. Well, it doesn't work that way.

Hey, don't ignore me, you know you're out there.

So the problem isn't just one side or the other, it's the combination of the two. I don't have an answer how to solve it, but I am going to do my part. I'm going to talk to her, I'm going to tell her what I want I want out of life (and my goals for my disease), and I'm going to bring in the information she asks in order to have her help me take care of my diabetes.

It won't be a PR, that's for sure

So I'm scheduled to run the Walt Disney Marathon in a little more then a month......It's not going to be pretty.

It's not that I didn't want to do well. I really did. I'm going as part of Children with Diabetes. We thought as a focus on fitness and the family that being at an event like this would be fun. Walt Disney puts on a weekend of events, a 5k, a 1/2 marathon, and a full marathon - a distance for everyone. So a bunch of people got together and formed Team CWD.

But, I haven't been training. I felt fine after the Ironman, but I after the Atlantic City Marathon in October i was really drained. Then the weather that we should have been getting in Buffalo finally hit, and those things, plus the 40+++++ hour weeks I've been working finally took its toll. So, I'm about three pounds heavier, and much, much, much, less fit.

But, this isn't about me. It's about something bigger. I'm going out there to make a statement about diabetes - me and everyone else with Team CWD. We're going out there to show that those with diabetes can do anything they want to - and regardless of my shape, I'm going to be there.

Givin it the ol college try again!

So here we are, in front of the computer trying to be a consistent blogger….again. I’ve tried to be a good blogger before, but have failed miserably. I got all excited about it, spruced up the website, played with the fonts to see how it looks, and even looked up definitions to words that I use often so that I sound smarte.

 

I did well for a while, but then I missed an entry, then another, then another. And before you know it it’s May and I hadn’t written since. I got embarrassed and frustrated at the same time, and before you know it I started denying I ever had a blog. It would be shameful only if it was the first time, but it wasn’t…..I’m a yo-yo blogger.

 

Wow, am I talking about my blog or am I talking about my diabetes management?    

 

Not much difference I guess. It can happen with managing my diabetes that sometimes I get in a rut and can’t seem to get out. Things can go well for a while but life gets in the way (that darn ol life) and my diabetes takes a backseat. Then it becomes hard to get going again, I think about all I have not done, and I get depressed about even trying again.

 

But the really great thing about both (diabetes and writing) is that you can always start over. Forget about the past, today is a new day. I can saddle up the computer to write an entry, and I can get out my BG meter, check and start keeping tabs on what I’m eating.

 

So that’s what I’m going to do. Start writing and start checking. So what about you? In a rut with your diabetes? Don’t beat yourself up about it, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go check your BG.

Last night was bad

The title probably says it all, but you probably want to know more. It was absolutely awful.

 

I’m ashamed to tell you how I did it, but if I don’t speak up someone might make the same mistake. And that’s the last thing I could ever want. So I was on the phone talking to mom (yes I still call my mom) and I was fidgeting. I had no pen to click, or piece of paper to fold, so I was fooling around with my infusion set (yea, you know where this is going). I was disconnecting and re-connecting my set over and over, except for the last re-connect. I then proceeded to bolus for 50 grams of carbs, ate a bowl (a big bowl) of edy’s lowfat ice cream and went to bed.

 

Two hours later, I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t realize something was wrong until I tried getting up, and that’s when it hit me. It felt like my skin was on fire. I walked slowly to the bathroom (although it felt like the last 5 meters of the 100 yard dash) and peed, and after I was finished (which felt like forever, but must have only been twenty minutes or so) I came out and decided ‘oh, I must be high’

 

I should have looked at my set; that would have been the smart thing to do. But when you can hardly stand the last thing you’re thinking of is let me check myself. I slumped into my chair and took a bolus. (damn the bg calculator – I don’t have time for that!)

I gave the bolus and slumped into my chair to watch some re-runs that I’ve seem more times then I can count.

 

My hands felt like they were cold (even though they were burning) so I stuck them under my shirt (which is when I felt the moisture). I screamed some more obscenities and I clicked the site then checked my IOB. It said I had about 5 units on board, but I knew that wasn’t right. I took another huge bolus, hoping that it would get better. It did – but not right away. Three alarms later to wake up and make sure I didn’t crash and I still had a 222 BG when I woke up this morning, feeling like I had gotten hit with a sledge hammer (multiple times).

 

So why share? Well I like to think I know a lot about diabetes but I make some dumb mistakes sometimes – we all do. It’s part of having diabetes, it’s a part of life. But I hope if anyone reads this tonite and checks their site before they go to bed then it was worth it.

 

And the workout for today – yea you guessed it, no workout in the AM, but I did swim for 50 minutes tonight.